Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
