I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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