come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
