Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
