I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
