apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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