I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
