just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
