this beer tastes like vomit already
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
