I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I party with great urgency now.
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