Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
