if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I intend to get homeless drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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