do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize