so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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