Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
