Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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