it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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