I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
