someone get that fucking seahorse.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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