hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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