I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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