im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
