I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
