I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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