I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
