Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
