Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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