Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
