i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
