Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
