SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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