mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
