There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she peed on how many people?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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