Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
