I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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