I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
