So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
