Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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