you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
