I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
