Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
