I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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