just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
