HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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