Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
