Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
