Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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