it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My Higher Power is John Stamos
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
