If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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