the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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