he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
