i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
