I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
