apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
whose ass print is on the piano?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
