Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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