But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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