Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
