i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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