You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
