i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
