so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
