i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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