How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
