I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize