i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
