those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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