Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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