my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
