Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A bitchslap is in order.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
